An Vino Veritas, or With Apologies To VampireMeerkat
by BarthVader
Summary: A drunk guy, an inebriated girl, a single bed. No, they don't bonk. Written for VM's birthday, contains An, Ann n Anny genderbends,


**This was written as a birthday gift for VampireMeerkat, because I'm bored, and **_**This Ain't Eds/Kankers **_**hit a road ditch. I'm still working on it, I just needed a little break.**

**F****or those who read the author's notes ****in An Without Plot: this is kinda-so****rta the Anny/Tee idea I've mentioned, but retooled to be more upbeat and funny.**

**And I hope "Anny" is pronounced "Annie", 'cause otherwise one of the lines will sound incredibly awkward.**

With a groan, Anny groggily opened her eyes.

After a quick glance, she determined that she was lying on her bed, and it was early morning. Getting to that conclusion was harder than usual, due to a promille of alcohol in her blood stream. She vaguely recalled attending a party thrown by Nate. It was huge. There was a hundred or so people, and she lost her two friends in the crowd quite early.

_They're big girls, _she thought, _they can handle themselves. 'Sides, Double-N's a teetotaler and An can't get drunk, they're-_

Her train of thought was interrupted by a loud sound that she later identified as a snore. She looked to her side, and immediately sobered up, as she noticed Tee Kanker by her side, and felt his arm around her shoulder.

Letting out a high-pitched shriek, she grabbed a blanket and wrapped herself in it. The boy slowly rose up and blinked a few times. Judging by the faint smell of alcohol coming from him, he was probably inebriated as well.

"Wh-what are you doing here?"

The redhead scanned his surroundings. "Sleepin', probably."

"You-you took advantage of me, you sick bastard!" she shouted, panicking.

"Anny..."

"No, that's too much. I'm calling the police!" her hands started shaking.

"Anny..." the boy raised his voice a bit.

"And I'm not seventeen yet, that's stir-sta-statoruty..."

"For fuck's sake, Anny, you still have your clothes on!"

The pink haired girl looked down to notice she was still wearing the striped skirt, a white blouse and pearl earrings. And a single shoe, for some reason.

"I ain't naked, you ain't naked, nothing happened." Tee added, calmer. "Stop gettin' your ovaries in a twist. And give me the goddamn blanket." He reached towards her and yanked the coverlet away from her, causing her to do a three-sixty on her heels. Then he turned his back to her and muttered "Goodnight."

After a while needed for the girl to process what's going on, she finally let out two words. "Get out." she said, still confused.

"No." the boy replied

"Why?"

"'Cause your bed's comfy." He turned to her and smiled, showing his fake tooth. "You can join me here if you wanna."

To Tee's slight surprise, Anny shrugged and threw herself on the bed next to him. The boy was tossed slightly upwards: she was a big girl.

The redhead silently snickered. "Am I that hot?"

"Nah, the couch has a spring sticking outta it." She tried to snatch the blanket from the boy, but gave up after a brief tug-of-war. "What are you doing in my bed?"

"There's a bit of a story to it." Tee started. "The blondie invited us to the party."

"He did?" Anny looked at him with disbelief.

"Not sure why." the boy shrugged. "The guy's trying too hard to have everyone like him, and it's goin' to bite him in the ass sooner than he thinks."

"Whatevs." the girl knew that talking about Nate in Tee's presence for longer than ten seconds is a bad idea. "So, you decided to come and wreck the party, right?"

The redhead snickered. "No, we went 'cause he promised free booze and snacks. Anyway, we went there, stayed outta the spotlight, got shitfaced and decided to go home. An' on our way we found something unusual."

"What?"

Tee grinned. "You. Completely smashed, lying next to the dumpster. You weren't fully un-uncon, fuck it," he slurred, "un-con-schoos though, you threw your shoe at me, for crying out loud." he chuckled in amusement. "I decided leavin' you there is basically an invitation for all kinds of creeps and weirdos, so we dragged you here. Jay and Larie went to look after Nee and Toonie..."

"Huh?"

"An and Double-N. Nee, Two-nee, 'cause there are two Ns in it, and Anny, I like how this sounds." he explained. "Anyway, they went to search for them, and I decided I'm too drunk to go home. Sleepin' next to an awesome girl sounds better than sharing my bed with two brothers, as usual.

"Cut the bullshit." Anny frowned.

"Geez, I just lay down here, not botherin' you." Tee reacted. "No need to get pissy."

"How hum... munong..., oh bollocks." she cursed. "How huge beer googles one has to wear to think I'm awesome?" The girl looked at her body. "I'm fat and ugly, who will ever want me? You could just leave me in that dumpster, no one but you's mad enough."

"Now," the boy's tone of voice shifted a bit, "stop insulting a girl I like, or things're gonna get bad real soon."

"Oh, shaddup, you desperate white trash- mmmph!"

She didn't finish, as Tee covered her mouth with his hand. Judging by the look on his face, he was annoyed at her.

"Mmmmph!" she protested.

"Now listen carefully, you lil' pink-haired beauty." he wasn't bothered by her objection. "You don't _need _looks to get somewhere in life. You've got the ideas, the determination, the two talented gals to make your ideas become reality. You're gonna set up a successful business and get stinkin' rich before thirty-five, while I'm gonna sit in the fuckin' trailer park for the rest of my life." He retracted his hand. "An' _that's_ why you're awesome." he finished.

Anny stared at the ceiling for a short moment, processing the boy's words.

"...was that a compliment?" she broke the silence.

"Uh huh." Tee nodded.

The girl blushed a bit. "T-thanks." After a second, she added "Geez, you're more likable when you're drunk."

Tee smiled, then looked at the alarm clock next to him to check the time. "Four twenty-three. This banter's quite nice, but catchin' some Z's seems like a good idea." He turned his back to the girl. "Night, sweetie... you don't mind me callin' you a sweetie?"

"Too drunk to care at the moment." Anny shrugged.

"'Kay. Nightie night."

"Uh huh." The girl stared into empty space for quite a while, before muttering. "Tee?"

"Yeah?"

"When I'll launch that business, I'll hire you as a bodyguard."

The boy smiled to himself. "An' you were saying you ain't a great gal."


End file.
